Em homenagem ao lindo lindo último post que o Du fez no blog dele: "Wear Sunscreen". (Leiam, é muito bonito).
Aqui vai a minha "versão" predileta daquele texto:

No Sex (in the Champagne Room) - Chris Rock

Ladies and Gentleman of the GED class of 1999,
I have I piece of advice for you. No matter what a stripper tells you, there's no sex in the champagne room. None. Oh theres champagne in the champagne room, but you dont want champagne, you want sex, and theres no sex in the champagne room.


Don't go to parties with metal detectors. Sure it fells safe inside,but what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns. They know you aint got one.


If a woman tells you shes 20 and looks 16, she's 12. If she tells you shes 26 and looks 26 she's damn near 40.


Take off that silly ass hat!!!


The ODB couldn't of possibly committed all those crimes. Coolio did some of that shit.


Young Black men, if you go to a movie theater and somebody steps on your foot, let it slide. Why spend the next 20 years in jail cuz someone smudged your puma.


Cornbread-aint nuttin wrong with with that. No matter what you think of what im saying remember this one thing, there's no sex in the champagne room.

(chorus)
No sex in the champagne room, No sex in the champagne room, No sex in the champagne room, No sex in the champagne room, No sex in the champagne room, No sex in the champagne room, Theres absolutely positively no sex in the champagne room. Said No

If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasnt been homeless that long. A real homeless person is to hungry to be funny.


If a girl has a pierced tounge, she'll probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tounge, he'll probably suck your dick.


Here's a horoscope for everyone-
Aquarius- your gonna die
Capricorn- your gonna die
Gemini- your gonna die twice
Leo- your gonna die
Scorpio- your gonna die fuckin


No one goes to hooters for wigs


If you've been dating a guy for 4 months and haven't met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend.


Some of the things i said may not apply to you, some of the tings i said may offend you. But no matter who you are you must remember this one thing, no matter what a stripper says, theres no sex in the champagne room. None.